So you may find what I am about to say a bit unusual.

With COVID-19 upon us and no doubt thoughts of our mortality pass through our minds it has made me think … what is my real purpose, why am I here?

From a young age I always felt a bit different, always trying to fit in with the crowd and groups of people, but internally never did. I have always been confident and embraced my quirkiness and eventually found happiness in animals and the outdoors and one to one friendships.

Since my dad passed away in 2008 I have experienced a number of emotional traumas and have had to be really honest with myself of who I am, realise only I can heal my hurts and learn to be my best me despite it being less than easy sometimes. The reality is only we are in control of how we live our lives despite external things that externally happen to us.

More recently I have learnt to help people to heal themselves through talking, hypnotic and energy therapies, not as many as I would like as maybe the time hasn’t been right?

For a long while now I have felt I have been experiencing ‘intuitive gifts’ or ‘skills’ with energy whether it be as an empath and reading other people, to sharing positive energy experiences to help clear others of residual unhelpful feelings. I can even hear energy coming from plug sockets which are left on .. I know crazy!

Anyway, I digress! Last night I watched ‘The Last Shaman’ on Netflix. It’s a story of a man with severe depression who has tried all western medicines, psychotherapy, emotional support but still felt dead inside and suicidal. He goes to find a Shaman and experience the Ayahuasca ritual which is a plant based formula which rids you of the darkness within your body over a period of time. He just wants to feel something again not just the constant void.

Along the way he met two Shaman, one an American profiteering from his knowledge, and one from a remote village who did his work for free to benefit his community. Now this is where the programme took a twist for me … although I was interested from a psychological view in the man’s journey, I was more curious about the Shaman sharing his healing gift. He seemed fulfilled and happy in his work helping others, which was until other community members accuse him of taking money privately from the visitors (which he wasn’t). He then was told to leave the only home he knew and had took his family in to the town where he then had to find ‘a real job’ to earn money to care for his loved ones and leave his true self behind. He made the choice to fit in to the expectations of society.

This hit me hard, since I left working for a family business at the end of 2017, I have had to think am I doing what I love and achieving my purpose or doing what society expected of me so I can afford my lifestyle? I can say it’s been a bit of both, if I do not have a stable foundation I cannot help others, but as part of the UK’s current lockdown, I am luckily to be employed part time which allows me to receive 80% of my wage.

Like many though, it doesn’t leave me with enough money, but on some level I feel I was I being prepared for this moment. I have been a vegetarian for nearly 2 years so my diet is more basic, I rarely drink alcohol or go out to bars, I sadly lost my most expensive outgoing my horses but they have helped me learn about energy and using it to connect and heal, and I have learnt these new holistic skills that can help me, help the community.

So I guess I am asking myself, is the time now. Is this my time to be my true self or conform to societies expectations? Or do I become more like the Shaman, help society and trust in mother earth ... Honesty, I am unsure at the moment but I will continue to help people if they ask for it.

Maybe you could ask yourself ….




Finally going back to the man in the film last night on his healing journey, he realised he didn’t have to live up to others expectations but to reconnect with himself to come closer to his true happiness

If you are interested in holistic therapies of psychology it’s a great watch.

No doubt I will write again soon but until then …

Stay Safe, Stay Indoors, Stay Being Your Best You!

Sarah x


Note: I am penning this for my own benefit so as this virus/government incident subsides I will no doubt have had time to reflect and be able to be more of a better me coming out the other side.